Twelvetrees Inn

"Our adventure starts here, in the Twelvetrees Inn... It is here that our travellers spent their final night, before fate (or good fortune) makes them the centre of a tale to be told for generations to come. "

As is customary, our D&D campaign begins with our players meeting in a nice Inn. This inn has been around for about 300 years, being one of the first buildings to be constructed in the small sleepy town of Neverholme. Nestled in the groove of the valley, it is tucked away from the turmoil of the Kingdom and its affairs, the townsfolk preferring instead to keep to themselves, enjoying the tranquillity of a simple life. That being said, news from the capital is still of great interest and stories from these strange and different lands are fascinating to the locals, often told and retold across the fire after a few drinks. From this central point, the town sprawls outwards before turning into fields and forest where even the bravest of men refuse to venture. When the working day is over, the locals sweep into the Inn for a spot of good food and pleasant company. As night approaches, many weary travellers also come, heralding from distant and exotic lands, looking for a tankard of ale and someplace safe to rest their head.

Interior
The Inn is built entirely around a massive ancient oak tree, guessed to be approximately 1,500 years old. At the base, the tree’s protruding roots have been painstakingly carved into long tables where drunk patrons sit to tell tales of their travels and make-believe stories of beasts and untold riches. Although the main drinking area is out in the open air, the tree offers excellent protection against the weather and it is particularly busy in the summer months. The lower branches of the tree have been strung with small bottles containing lightening bugs that lazily bump against the glass with a dull thudding sound. They do however produce a warm glow that makes the Inn feel welcoming when night-time falls. The bar and indoor seating (including the kitchen) being found on the lower floors. The guest rooms - available for 5sp per night for a good room - are located on the upper floors of the Inn. Interestingly, the Inn contains no staircases at all, perhaps a remnant of its Dwarven-owned days. Instead, there is a curved wooden walkway that winds up the trunk of the ancient tree, with bridges branching off to each of the guest rooms on the upper floors. If you continue up this walkway, you eventually reach the most luxurious room in the Inn. This room is not in the outer building, but instead can be found within the tree itself. The treehouse room was built for the King’s visit over 100 years ago, and since then has been left vacant – reserved for either royalty or someone with more money than sense. The rumour is that it is rather lovely, and inhabited by a small family of squirrels.

Lodging Services
The Inn has a number of rooms that can be rented out to those who can afford it. The rooms on the uppermost floors are lavishly furnished, with soft bedding, ornate furniture, and a splendid view over the courtyard. This costs 2gp per night. The lower rooms are pleasant enough, some might even describe them as “moderately okay”, and there is only a 30% chance that you catch lice after your night’s kip. These cost 5sp per night. For those less financially fortunate, there are a few damper rooms on the lower floor, near the stables, which will set you back 5cp per night. It’s not guaranteed that you will get a peaceful night’s sleep there, but it’s safe enough and the horses are good company.

Food and Drink
The food at the Inn has been described as the best the valley can offer – admittedly its specialty dish is trout head porridge - so don’t get your hopes up too much. But the cook tries her best, despite her old age. It’s rumoured that the Inn has had the same cook since it first opened about 300 years ago, but that’s mostly down to her haggard appearance and abundance of wrinkly neck flaps which give the distinct impression of an overworked turkey. The cook (Helga Dinkeforth) is aware of the mockery by some of the Inn’s patrons and retaliates by joyfully spitting into their food. Some good advice is to avoid the stew -as Helga has always said, revenge is a dish best served with bodily fluids.

Entertainment and Festivities
There is nothing more that the people staying at Twelvetrees love than a good game, and many a fistfight will break out as a result. The most fair game is “Elvish snap” which is played by the fire most nights. But the most exciting game is the Dwarf-tossing competition which is held annually behind the Inn every blood moon. This is an occasion to drink lavishly, and the townsfolk really don’t need a reason to get sloshed but the added challenge of throwing a drunk dwarf makes this quite the popular event. The dwarves (who are paid handsomely) wear helmets and are treated to the finest spirits available before being tossed to see who can fly the furthest. In recent years there has been attempts to make the dwarves more streamlined, but the last man who tried to shave his dwarf got several broken ribs and the forceful removal of his front two teeth. Others have resorted to spandex leotards, which were also quickly banned due to breaking public decency laws.